Saturday, May 31, 2008

BOOK: Penny Arcade - Attack of the Bacon Robots

By Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik

Surrealistic funny, snobbishly self referential (but not as bad as it is now) and wrong for all the right reasons, Penny Arcade has been entertaining ‘The living in their parent’s basement’ gamer masses since the year 2000 and this collection of comic strips is their first foray into the world of Web. The strip deals with gamer room-mate friends Tycho and Gabe as they go through their daily life of summoning the devil, fellating the dreamcast and being frightened by bears. There aren’t many laughs out loud strips on display here but the eggs of the insanity that was yet to come are being nestled in your lower intestine. It wasn’t until 2003 (Book 3: The War Sun Chronicles) that the creature reached full strength and burst through your ribcage and ate your eyes. It was then they reached a nice balance between making gaming references and flat out weirdness.


The real question here is ‘Why the hell would I spend my money on something I could get free on the internet?” The answer: BECAUSE I SAID SO! Or if I’m in more polite company, because each strip has its own commentary on its inception and is usually funnier than the strip itself. Jerry Holkins (Tycho) is very talented writer when he sets his mind to it and he’s on his A-Game the whole way through. It’s designed for maximum rip-off value (I don’t want pages and pages of pin-ups. Choke on them instead) but at 11 dollars from most comic shops you can’t go wrong if you must have a physical copy in case the internet disappears and the world markets collapses. We could all be cannibalistic roamers in a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland but you’d have the advantage because you know jokes about Tribes 2!
Or you could borrow my copy.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

COMIX: Jellyfist By Jhohen Vasquez and Jenny Goldberg REVIEW


From the mind that brought you Johnny The Homocidal Maniac (In 1997! Time sure fly when your chopping up people crazily) come the completely out there and beyond (And oddly arousing - I mean - disturbing) comic strips JELLYFIST. Drawn in cartoonishly grotestque detail by Jenny Goldberg, each one of these completely unrelated strips will get one of three reaction "W-h-a-t?", "Hahahahaha!" and "GODMYEYESMUSTDIE!" Half of the time I wasn't quite sure which one was building up inside of me. Then I discovered it was really the cyclops cat fetus that was trying to claw it's way out of my belly. It sure beast the hell out of some of the atrocities you'll find between these pages: Giant Babies being hit by explosive giant salmon, intestine eating best friend parrots and an abusive pair of scrambled eggs. That's the tame stuff. Don't get me started on a lesson about reproduction that involves giant zombie jelly blobs crawling back into the womb.

Printed on a a dirty looking brown paper stock and adorned with muted colours. The book is WAY too pricey at 9 smackeroos for 54 pages, but the commentary by the writer and artist that accompanies each page make up for it a little bit (Hey! I'm cheap allright!) I'd even go as far to say it was more entertaining then the strips themselves. The rambling prose is tiny, dense and mostly composed of redbull fuelled bouts of name-calling, but in the end there's tons of tidbits to be learned. I'm always a sucker for a look into any creative process, even one as scarring as this.

You can pick up a copy of Jelly Fist at all fine Comic Book Store (Grab it at the Beguiling. Right off of BATHHURST!) "TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH!"

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

WEB: TTC Efficency Guide


For everyone that wants to shave 10 seconds off when stepping onto the subway platform. TTCRIDER.CA provides their "SUBWAY RIDER EFFICIENCY GUIDE" , a nifty little pocket guide that shows you exactly where the stairs, escalators and exits are in each station on the TTC. It's the cheat book all those those lazy sods, victims being chased by werewolves and people that only have a certain amount of steps left before they explode are looking for!

CHECK IT OUT HERE



WEIRD: Cold Water. A national concern.


I spotted this weirdo advertisement a few times while walking through the Sheppard subway station. when did this become a big enough problem that it needs the public attention? I think it was all the mongoose that died in the horrible cold water incidient of '03

FALLING INTO COLD WATER! ARGHHHH!












Monday, May 26, 2008

BOOK: "Night in Lonsome October" By Richard Laymon REVIEW


NON-TORONTO/NON-CANADIAN REVIEW (BOO! HISS!)

The written word will always fail to viscerally scare. Your imagination runs at its own speed and the classic stand-by of the cat JUMPING OUT from behind the garbage can will never have the same sound blasting film effect on the page. Authors have to a throw a prickly blanket over the shivering reader’s body made up of an uneasy sense of dread over to make any kind of impact. The best tales are the ones that keep you up at night, staring at the dancing shadows on the wall, mentally re-enacting the horrifying events you’ve read on the page. Not many writers can do it. Most rely on the cheap grue and gore routine to get the “HORROR” label stamped on the front cover. At first glance that’s how I would categorize Richard Laymon. He’s written over 40 novels filled with all manners of rape, dismemberment and oogly creatures of the night. It’s not a good sign only recently (After his death) he’s started being published in North America after being in circulation for years in Great Britain, New Zealand and Australia. Does this man deserve all the slavish praise from writer luminaries like Stephen King and Jack Ketchum that’s printed on the inside cover? Or is he just another dime store hack that’s better kept in the dusty bargain bin bookstores?

Laymon's hero Ed Logan is brimming with anticipation for his second year at Willmington University. He's been missing Holly, whom he fell in love with the previous year. But when Ed returns to campus, Holly doesn't. He receives a letter that destroys his hopes; she has fallen in love with another man and won't be coming back. Virtually destroyed by the news, Ed struggles to study and even to sleep. Leaving his apartment one night for a walk, he finds that he has moved into what might almost be a different world. There are others out on the streets; are they human, these figures who hide in the shadows? Certainly, the prey they seek is marked for a grisly end. Needless to say, Ed becomes involved with these sinister figures, particularly a mystery girl who will change his life.

Night of Lonesome October is strictly an episodic affair. Ed Logan wanders the night looking for his mystery, sees something odd, and runs away yelping. Repeat. He meet all manner of oddballs, from Cannibals to chuckling old clown things but none of it really impact the story in any kind of way. It’s just there. And weird. It’s actually a little jarring to have the novel END by bringing in one of the many macabre sights we witnessed in the novel. It’s not satisfactory and doesn’t give insight on anything that came before. It feels like Laymon was too busy dreaming up his next novel filled with cyborg-cannibal-rape-jugglers that prey on innocent young school girls then to actual tie any of the threads of his gallery of horrors together.

The font is small, the sentences on the nose, and Laymon loves to describe every single detail: From the CRUNH a potato chip makes to the heat of coffee before someone drinks it. It’s a little annoying at first but once the groove gets going it isn’t that bad a pet peeve. His first person technique of having the Ed argue his actions is also an impressive literary technique. Otherwise, the stalker-ish habits exhibited throughout the novel would rub us even worse than they do now. The side character scream, jump into bed for graphically detailed sexual exploits and confidently fall into over the top hostage situations whenever the plot asks them too. One character may be an evil repressed deviant one page then come to the rescue the next. That’s just lazy writing.

Laymon can craft a creepy scene and put a sympathetic character in the middle of it, but that’s about it. I’d read another novel by Laymon out of sheer macabre interest for a breezy gory read, but I wouldn’t active seek his stuff out.

BUY IT: The books available at most fine and expensive box store book places. Pick it up for the cheapest at Chapters.ca HEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEE

Saturday, May 24, 2008

EVENT: Toronto Roller Derby MAY 24th

I heard about this about a year ago but forgot in the depth of moving to downtown T.O fear that was gripping me at the time. Advertisments have recently popped up in NOW and EYE magazine for the years first match which is The Gore Gore Girls VS The Bay City Betties. It looks like a fun little jaunt to pull off on a Saturday Night. It's May 24th, doors open at 7:00 PM, match starts at 8:00. You can pick up tickets for 10$ (or 15$ at the door) from Rotate This and Soudscapes.

The event is taking place at
215 Ryding Ave. South of St. Clair between Runnymede and Keele



Wednesday, May 21, 2008

PLACES; Toronto Zine Library

From Answers.com
zine (zēn)
An inexpensively produced, self-published, underground publication: I often contributed cartoons and essays to other people's 'zines, so why didn't I just buckle down and start my own? (Pagan Kennedy).

Come on kids! Drag your cyber polluted eyes off from the screen and hit the pavement in the direction of the coolest word sanctuary in town. Don't let the its one roomed white walled drabness fool ya, the Toronto Zine Library is literally packed to the brims with impossible to find self-published rags from the 70's on. You'll find old Punk Rock newsletters printed on dirty third hand newspaper, personal zines written by mopy 16 year old girls amd glossier publications from the mid-90's that are all but forgotten today (Ben is Dead, Bitch, Fact Sheet). There's all manners of goodies nicely split up into different sections for even the most casual browser (Perzines, Fanzines, Sexual Politics, Angry Hermaprhodites Who Love Pands.) The only reason for you not to check it out is you where born without a brain. Ande even then, make your buddies carry you there.

LIBRARY HOURS ON SUNDAYS FROM 1-3At the Tranzac - 292 Brunswick Ave., next to Future's Bakery - UPSTAIRS IN THE REHEARSAL HALL. During these hours zine librarians will be on hand to answer any questions you may have and help you find what you're looking for. The zines are otherwise available during the Tranzac's open hours (weekdays after 5, weekends after 1) as long as the REHEARSAL HALL (upstairs, remember!) isn't in use.

http://torontozinelibrary.blogspot.com/ For an index of everything on file.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=83562653 for updates